Jacqui is our least understood member of the Board of Mediocre Advisors. She is not overly-fond of idle chit-chat. She freely admits that she doesn’t have feelings. Her advice is always practical but not especially mediocre. It’s usually pretty good but always brutally frank. But it’s rarely the sort of advice that a normal person could follow, and for that reason most people find Jacqui abrasive … [Read more...]


Ming has bumbled his way through more than 40 years in the advertising business. He has an artistic eye, but also an astounding ability to convince otherwise capable and wise people that they couldn’t possibly know more than he does. This skill has netted Ming a six or seven figure annual income since he was 27. Strangely, there is little evidence of Ming’s success, because he squirrels his money … [Read more...]


Premeeka has a PhD. in nuclear physics. A complimentary Diploma in Contemplative Mediocre Studies from the University of Bora Bora aids in her execution of elaborate floral arrangements. She finds that floral design helps in her contemplation of new trigger designs for atomic weapons. The bottom line is that Premeeka is a smart young scientist with the sort of aesthetic sensibility you would hope … [Read more...]


Pheobe has boundless erratic energy. She careens from thing to thing with gusto, rarely considering the practical implications of her actions or the feelings of others. She is an expert on everything. She makes astoundingly  ill-advised pronouncements on important issues because she is unencumbered by any actual knowledge of most subjects. Those associating with Pheobe are often reduced to … [Read more...]


“A sage in a cardigan” is how his neighbors describe Howard. He spends a lot of time around the garage, and is often seen preparing his RV for that trip he never takes. The $4.99 breakfast special at the mall draws him and his friends away from home on Tuesday mornings. This is a time of great jubilation for their wives, but a curse to the restaurant servers waiting three hours for 50-cent tips. … [Read more...]


Jen brings remarkable insight to the Board of Mediocre Advice. A former fashion model, Jen is a senior business executive with a Fortune 500 corporation. She’s a strong believer in volunteerism, and coordinates food bank services in greater Los Angeles. She is President-Emeritus of the American Foundation for Self-Improvement. She is an avid Pilates practitioner and triathlon competitor. Jen’s … [Read more...]


Jamal is perhaps the most scholarly of our Mediocre Advisors. Currently reading philosophy at Christchurch, Oxford, he aspires to found a new religion based on attaining spiritual perfection through serene submission to mediocrity. He is a consultant to a UK-based janitorial procedure-manual publisher and dabbles in fly-fishing in Victorian country house garden ponds. In an interview published … [Read more...]


Gertrude lives and breathes mediocrity. Her late husband, a war veteran, was a Detroit auto-worker for over 40 years. Shortly before his retirement, Gertrude and her husband won a $315 million lottery jackpot, only to lose it after depositing the payout in a Nigerian bank. Now living on social security augmented by food stamps, Gertrude earns extra money selling her baked goods at church … [Read more...]


Are you looking at Phil? He finds that annoying. But what bothers him more are stories about the shabby treatment of decent people. As an LLS sufferer (Lousy Life Syndrome), Phil has the uncanny ability to discern whenever someone is getting the shaft. He subscribes to the belief that respect has to be earned – it is not automatic. Phil is especially adept at strengthening workplace discord. … [Read more...]


Lance is a free-lance interior designer in Toronto. He often jokes about being an aesthetic policeman, because he heartlessly ridicules all examples of created ugliness. He has a penchant for lambasting fast-food restaurants in particular. Lance was once escorted from McDonald’s corporate headquarters after their executives refused to consider his proposal to install gilded furnishings and silk … [Read more...]

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