About Phil

Are you looking at Phil? He finds that annoying. But what bothers him more are stories about the shabby treatment of decent people. As an LLS sufferer (Lousy Life Syndrome), Phil has the uncanny ability to discern whenever someone is getting the shaft.

He subscribes to the belief that respect has to be earned – it is not automatic. Phil is especially adept at strengthening workplace discord. His specialty is advice suited for short-term gain and long-term failure. He has never been convicted of a serious crime.

How should one handle people who don’t pick up after their dogs?

Michael  Asked: What should be done with people who don't pick up after their dog when their dog 'fouls the footpath'? ~ Michael  from Fairfield Advisor Phil answers: First of all, find out who owns the dog.  If the offending practice continues, toss a few beef boullion cubes onto their lawns on a dark rainy night. By morning, the scent of beef will be deep beneath the grass. All dogs … [Read more...]

How can I get red of bed bugs?

I'm a busy college student. My sheets go on my bed and they stay there - until the end of the quarter when I wash them and put them back on. My question is this: how often should I actually be washing them? ~ Macy from Scratchburg Advisor Phil answers: Hey, I hear ya, but I wouldn't worry about it. It's just you, after all...a couple of times a year should be fine. Bed bugs are kind of cool. … [Read more...]

Should I attend a Thanksgiving Dinner?

What should I do if I'm going to have Thanksgiving dinner with people I don't like? ~ Phil from Omaha Advisor Phil answers: I see that we have the same first name. That doesn't make us kin, let alone friends. But I can identify with your dilemna. No one wants to dine with me on Thanksgiving. OK, here is how you handle it. A few days before Thanksgiving, go to your local shopping mall or … [Read more...]

Why am I looking at this website?

Kilgore Asked: Why am I looking at this website? I pondered that query for days on end and found it lay simply in the fact that I know a lawyer (OK I've heard of someone who knows a lawyer) and I think I can get money out you guys by suing you. Sort of like patent trolling but different. It will cost you so much in legal fees that you'll settle out of court and I can keep keep 2/3 of the cash … [Read more...]

What can I do about my body odor?

David Asked: I operate in state of high anxiety, which causes me to have constantly wet underarms and garish yellow stains on my clothes.  I am at the end of my rope - colleagues and friends are avoiding me, my cat moved out and even my cleaner does not want my business anymore.  What can I do??? David. PS, I believe my anxiety may be caused by a long repressed memory, only recently … [Read more...]

What is a good name for the new Winnipeg NHL team?

Jim Asked: What would be a good name for the new NHL hockey team going to Winnipeg? ~ Jim from Brandon Advisor Phil answers: I'd go with the Winnipeg Flood. … [Read more...]

How can peace be achieved in the Middle East?

Ban Ki-moon asked: How can peace be achieved in the Middle East? ~ Ban Ki-moon (from an undisclosed location) Advisor Phil answers: First of all, everyone should agree to get along.  In order to achieve peace in the Middle East, people should share, no one should go hungry, and all suicide bombers should learn to set off their bombs when they are alone in the desert. … [Read more...]

How can I seed further workplace dysfunction?

Hank Asked: I seem to be marginalized by co-workers in my office. It is a real mystery to me, because I make a point of maintaining optimal dysfunction in the workplace at all times by gauging the tenor of the workplace and then acting on it. If I sense that a group of colleagues has a dominant position, I will side with them and disparage outsiders in order to strengthen my status within the … [Read more...]

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