How can I get red of bed bugs?

I’m a busy college student. My sheets go on my bed and they stay there – until the end of the quarter when I wash them and put them back on. My question is this: how often should I actually be washing them? ~ Macy from Scratchburg

Advisor Phil answers: Hey, I hear ya, but I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s just you, after all…a couple of times a year should be fine. Bed bugs are kind of cool. People will notice you if you brag about ’em.


  1. Guys like you are the main reason that I will never have a boyfriend.

  2. I think that a previous post to offers some guidance to your problem, Macy ( If you were to make your sheets out of fruit leather, you could simply eat them when they become offensive.

    • I love this idea, and you could try making them out of tofu too! If you stopped washing your feet too, you could probably save money on seasoning.

  3. I will wash your sheets in return for some catfood.

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